The other day, I drove past a hotel in which I likely will never stay again. The Palace in San Francisco is where Dee and I spent our engagement weekend, one of the most magical of our time together.
Des and T
It started late on a Saturday afternoon at the San Francisco Opera House. Dee and I met our dear friends, Desmond (Des) and Teresa (T), for Nutcracker, and Dee and T couldn’t fathom why I refused to coatcheck my blazer even though it was nice and toasty in the auditorium. Des understood, because he knew Dee’s engagement ring, which he had helped to pick out, was sitting snugly inside my breast pocket. After the performance, we headed over to the W for cocktails. Two drinks in, I asked everybody to hold hands and made brief remarks (well, brief for me, anyway) about the value of love, friendship, and chosen family in people’s lives. Then, I released Des’ hand, knelt down, pulled the ring from my pocket, and asked Dee to marry me. She cried; exclaimed, “Yes, of course I will!”; and grabbed, kissed, and held me tight before I was able to put the ring on her finger. I’ll never forget T shrieking, through tears of joy and surprise, “Dee, LOOK AT YOUR RING!!!” Following a beautiful bottle of Taittinger and to-die-for dinner at La Folie, courtesy of Des and T, Dee and I retired back to The Palace, where more good fortune struck…
In Love Forever…
As we approached the hotel, we noticed it was quite dark. A major electricity substation had blown, leaving The Palace to rely on emergency backup power. At the time, we thought nothing of it and figured we would still be good to depart home to Santa Cruz on Sunday. The following morning we were informed that the electricity issue would not be fixed until Monday and that our car was stuck in the garage underneath the hotel because the auto lifts couldn’t operate on emergency power. So, we were gifted an additional night, got to enjoy more of San Francisco throughout the day, and sipped champagne by candlelight in the Pied Piper bar later that evening. Beyond magical…
The thing, though, is that the unadulterated joy Dee and I experienced over the course of that weekend–and throughout our subsequent years together–only serves to magnify the pain of losing her. As I’ve said before, the intensity of our passion and solidity of our relationship are directly correlated to my current heartache. Who would have ever thought that two sides of the same coin could be so far apart?
So, why are these emotions so acute right now? Two reasons…
The first is that Monday, June 11, would have been Dee’s 50th birthday. She didn’t even make it to half a century… Absolutely tragic! In order to honor Dee on June 11, I will be publishing my version of her obituary here on this blog. Let me be clear: even though my Monday post is going to be MY definitive obituary of my beloved wife, it is not going to be THE definitive obituary of Dee. My Love was so intimately connected to so many people–so intertwined with their lives, their hopes, their fears, and their dreams–that it would be presumptuous of me to assume I alone could capture all that was and is Dee. Therefore, on Monday, June 11, or anytime after, please comment on MY obituary of Dee by writing YOUR OWN obituary of/thoughts about my beloved. You can make your comments either directly here on the blog or on Facebook–whichever is easier for you. Because Dee was always bringing people together, I think this is a great way to honor her incredible community-building spirit that lives on within all of us. Thank you in advance for participating in this endeavor.
Under Miro in Zurich
The second reason my emotions are running so high right now is that my birthday is coming up on July 1, and that was the day last year when Dee was diagnosed with her cancer recurrence. In other words, my birthday 2017 was the exact moment I learned the love of my life was going to die. Nice, huh??? I have already decided to open Dee’s final gift to me on July 1 of this year. Most of you know I was the Chair for my 25th college reunion last June, and that our class set all kinds of records. Dee, my dear friend, Amy, and lots of other folks spent copious hours putting together a fabulous gift that was presented to me at reunion but that I didn’t have enough time to appreciate (being on duty and all…). After reunion, the gift, which is quite large, was shipped out here to Santa Cruz from Minnesota, but it arrived after Dee had been re-diagnosed and was already in crisis. As a result, the box has sat unopened right inside my front door for almost a year. I’m sure I will be both incredibly sad and unfathomably grateful when I tear it open. Mysteries await…
A Happier Birthday of Mine
deefeating triple negative breast cancer 